just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
