i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
