I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
