also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
