I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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