What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
