she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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