Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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