When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
