Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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