He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
