Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
