So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
what the fuck happened to the tacos
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
