dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
