Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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