yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
