Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
