i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't think brook has ever known best
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
