I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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