it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
