I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
