you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
