I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
