halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
