I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have already put on my inside pants.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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