Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize