I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
