omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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