shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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