I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
