I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
