Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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