hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
