No, drunk sperm still make babies.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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