she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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