Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
NoShamevember. You game?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
