Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
