I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
