Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
