These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
