my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
