I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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