I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
