I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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