i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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