Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
