You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
