WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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