he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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