My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
