I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
