I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
