we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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