my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
