Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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