so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
