I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
