chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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