My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
