Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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