I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
