The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
try to milk me bitch
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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