oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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