Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
