god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize