So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
