Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
