so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
