Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
